Action Plan

In America…

Action Plan: Swarm New Mothers With Support

I have a theory. That if we thoroughly supported women through their natural feminine journey⏤puberty, monthly cycles, pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood, menopause⏤they would be unstoppable. They would be unstoppable. I will save this discussion for another post because today I want to offer an action plan for how the United States can become a world leader in offering support during one of the most beautiful and challenging times in a woman’s life: having a baby.

Following is an outline that is really just a brain storm on my end. It has thought, but not extensive research. I am sure there are flaws and that I have missed some things. But better to get a flawed plan out there than no plan. Maybe even one sentence triggers something, somewhere. Some of these action steps may already be at play, but my impression is that resources are scattered and inconsistent across the country. I think we should create a more universal and systematic process that new mothers can hang their hats and hearts on.

Here is a stab at how things could play out:

At multiple levels, we create a well coordinated and meaningful support system. The levels below complement each other, but also help ensure no woman falls through the cracks. For instance, if a woman does not have family involvement due to her unique circumstance, she can be at peace knowing that there are many other resources she can draw from. She is not alone.

The order is very intentional⏤ensuring we are operating and organized on every level that we can more immediately control before we get to our governmental ‘ask’ :

Family

• Point Person: For the first four weeks after birth, one woman in the family steps up and becomes the point person for coordinating family support upon the birth or adoption of the new child. This person is identified ahead of the birth and has a big, but quiet and respectful role to play. 

• Duties: Depending on the needs of the new parents, this female family member should be prepared to coordinate things like: a Meal Train, babysitting, grocery shopping, laundry, sleep watch, toilet scrubbing, compiling a collection of gift cards to local restaurants, etc. The point person does not necessarily do all these things herself, but coordinates and delegates with other family members.

• Flex: The point person should identify the needs before the birth/adoption but be ready to flex based on the evolving situation. The goal of the point person should be to support and take pressure off of the new mom - giving her space to bond with her child and tend to the needs of her body.

• Why is the point person a woman? It does not have to be. But women can best relate to intimate female issues.

• Why spell it out? I’m outlining this family section and providing specifics because family dynamics can get a little vague around this topic. New mothers need help, but are often too embarrassed to ask. Extended family members are often willing to pitch in, but want to respect boundaries. Can we simply remove all of that ambiguity by clearly identifying a point person and responsibilities ahead of time? So that a new mom can get the help she needs and everyone can stop guessing? Can we take chance and assumptions out of the equation? Can OBs play a role in helping their patient ID this person? Could we create a simple checklist that the point person can follow?

Friends

• I am going to go light on this level because often friends of a similar age are also navigating their own fertility, pregnancy, career, marriage and motherhood hurdles. Given their lack of availability at this stage of their life, I don’t think we should rely on this group for the goals of this post. However, if you are a friend who is in a position to help, please proactively step forward with specific offers of help instead of waiting to be asked. 

Neighbors

• On the one hand, because of proximity, neighbors can offer support that many others cannot (for example, last second babysitting for a toddler while parents take the new born to the urgent care). On the other, privacy and boundaries are also important during this sensitive time. It is here that I would like to ask the elder women of the community to be invisible guardian angels by: 1) Respectfully befriending pregnant neighbors in order to build trust prior to the arrival of the baby. 2) When opportunity presents itself, making a clear statement that you are there if needed and then leaving it at that. 3) Once the baby has arrived, placing a note in the mailbox with a cell phone number the new mom can call in an emergency. 4) Leaving a bag on the doorstep with a collection of gift cards and well wishes from the neighbors. 

Obstetricians/Midwives/Nurses

• Baby Home Plan: Starting with the first OB visit, nurses and physicians begin discussing and filling out a Baby Home Plan and continue to discuss it and emphasize its importance with each visit. The family point person is identified and invited to come to one OB appointment where they will also go through an orientation about their role. By the time the baby arrives, the mother is crystal clear about her resources.

• Mentor: OB teams will also assign a mentor to each new mother. This mentor will be another experienced mother volunteering her time to be a resource or sounding board.

• Follow Up Calls: In addition to scheduled appointments, for the first 6 weeks after birth the nursing staff takes the time to place weekly “Ask Me Anything” calls to new mothers. 

Churches

• For many, church is a connection point to an extended community and a variety of resources. An example of a consistent offering for new moms might be: Every church offers two, three-hour drop-in babysitting sessions per week (one option during business hours, one option in the evening for a “date night”.) These sessions are managed and staffed by church volunteers.

Counties 

• Hotline: Every county in the country offers a well advertised HOTLINE for new mothers, manned voluntarily by experienced mothers. New moms can call into the hotline up to 12 months after the birth of the baby.

• Outreach: That same volunteer group is assigned to outreach to new moms via text. Bi-weekly outreach for the first 8 weeks post birth.

Employers 

• No matter the company size, federally require companies offer up to 16 weeks unpaid leave to women and up to 4 weeks unpaid for their partners for the birth or adoption of a child. Participants would be guaranteed their same position back. 

• Notice there is no mention of paid leave in this section. Instead, see below. 

Federal Government

• Requirements: Per above, require companies of all sizes to offer up to 16 weeks of leave for women and up to 4 weeks of leave for their partners.

• Paid leave: Federal government distributes paid leave up to 12 weeks for women and 4 weeks for partners. No income restrictions (we will not pit woman against woman here.) And yes, a contingency will be offered for stay-home-moms.

• Where does the money come from? The money to pay for this has to come from somewhere right? And although we can debate until we are blue in the face about how current tax money is used and make solid arguments that certain tax funds should be rerouted for paid leave, I for one no longer want to leave this issue to the mercy of politicians and the ever changing political climate. Let us, as women, take charge and move the needle ourselves. 

• New Mom Fund: (I am quite sure someone can think of a better name.) If every adult woman in the country (108 million ish) threw $20 in the pot, we would start with $2.1 billion dollars. That’s a nice start. For some, $20 will be too much. For others, they could contribute much more. Then, we remember our power in that we make up a huge consumer base for major corporations…and we ask them to contribute. For instance, a company like Apple, worth $3 trillion, might be interested in participating.
  
  The fund would be housed by a foundation. The sole purpose of the foundation is to raise money for the fund. The sole purpose of the fund is to cover paid leave. Keep it super simple. We pound the pavement year in and year out, raising money. Half of everything raised gets distributed (New Mom Fund cuts Federal Government a check to distribute), the other half stays in the fund to grow and grow, with the returns ultimately becoming a massive part of the paid leave distributions. An endowment is born. It starts slow and thus may be inadequate to begin, but snowballs over time to cover the full goal of 12 weeks paid time off for every new mother and 4 weeks paid time off for partners. 

We still vote and vote and vote, but we don’t wait for the government. Nobody is coming to save us. Instead, we as women, propel the United States to be world class in its care for new moms and our nation reaps the resulting benefits.

Please consider sharing this with other women, OBs, politicians, churches, companies, Wall Street folks. There is strength in numbers and I hope this Action Plan will light a fire.

Disclosure: I am the mother of two grown children. My personal experience and the experience of every mother I know, including those of the current generation, inspired this post.

_

In America is a reader-supported publication. Not already a subscriber? To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.